Peter Moore: Sorry, what did you say?

A friend was sitting in a GP’s waiting room when he heard shouting from the consulting room.

“I think you need a hearing aid”.

“There’s nothing wrong with my hearing, doctor.

The shouting went on for a while. Nothing would convince him there was a problem with his hearing.

We all lose hearing over the years. The long medical term is presbycusis. The problem is that we do not lose all frequencies at the same time. As we age we lose the higher frequencies first. People can hear but, without the higher frequencies speech does not always make sense. Speech sounds muffled. Someone who appears deaf may still jump when the door slams. 

Just like the patient my friend overheard in the surgery I also had “no problem with my hearing”. Everyone else was muttering. I used subtitles on TV because the actors all mumble. Don’t they train actors to speak clearly anymore?

Before the lockdown I had a hearing test which was, just, alright. So, I was not too deaf seven years ago. I was just not listening. I told my wife to treat me like speech software. Before saying anything shout “Alexia” to get attention, although I’m not called Alexa. 

Last year, after pressure from my family, I had to concede defeat and get another hearing test, just as soon as I had my ears syringed.

I kept hearing the NHS is on its knees, although perhaps not “hearing” just reading as I was getting deaf. The NHS on its knees is clearly a problem as there is a long waiting list for a knee replacement. 

Personally, I found the service amazing.   Within a month I was seen at Torbay Hospital to have a formal hearing test and, yes, the family were right. The graph looked like Berry Head. Nice and flat so ok for all the lower frequencies and then falls off a cliff for the higher ones. I’d have to admit that I’m an old man with a hearing aid. I’ve still got all my original joints and I’m still alive and so it could be worse. 

It was only a month later that I went back to be fitted with the aids. Suddenly I could hear all the rustling noises and understand speech. They are also fairly discrete. I could hide them by growing long hair but that’s another problem with growing older, there’s not much hair left. 

I had learnt from my mother that hearing aids work best if you wear them. Whenever I saw her, I usually had to shout. This was a particular problem when she was in hospital in Swindon. 

“This is a lovely hospital but isn’t Swindon a horrible place” she shouted. I agreed (sorry for any readers from Swindon) but we were in the town and the staff were all local. Shouting back “Yes isn’t Swindon a ****hole” did not seen a good idea. I just politely nodded and hoped that the staff did not hear.

Wearing my hearing aids had another huge advantage. It tunes into the Bluetooth on my phone. When I’m wearing headphones it I obvious that I’m not listening to anyone else but with my hearing aids I can listen to music or podcasts and nobody knows. The only problem is that, when I’m listening to the commentary on a Torquay United match I may suddenly leap up and cheer when everyone else is deep in conversation about something far less important like World War Three.

There is an app on my phone to control the hearing aids. I can check the batteries and even control the direction of my hearing. I recently tried this out when, as a member of the public, I attended our local parish council meeting. I focused the sound so that I could only hear the committee and not everything else. This might have been a mistake. In hindsight I should have listened to a podcast, perhaps the audio version of Yes Minister. Sir Humphery could have made more sense. 

The NHS has come up trumps. The same aids privately are about £2,500. From now on I no longer say, “sorry, what was that?” unless I’m listening to Torquay United.