Torbay mother and baby home survivor shares her ordeal in new memoir

Torbay-based counsellor Mary Elizabeth Earle has published a powerful memoir detailing her traumatic experience as a teenager in a 1960s home for unmarried mothers and their babies.

The Longing is Mary’s authentic retelling of her journey through life after being betrayed by her “knight in shining armour” at the age of 15. Now 77, Mary described the process of writing her memoir as “a soul journey” and hopes to inspire others with her message of healing and resilience.

She moved to Torbay 12 years ago after a walk along the South West Coast Path inspired her to make Paignton her new home. 

Her life has been marked by many challenges, including coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy as a teenager — an experience made even more difficult by not understanding how it had happened.

“After the trauma of what happened to me, I detached from life in a lot of ways and was never the same again,” Mary explained. “I feel like I’m a voice for the thousands of people who have endured similar situations.”

The urge to write her story came around 19 months ago and was driven by an unseen force within to help heal herself and others. Although Mary had already started writing parts of her story, something deep inside compelled her to share the raw emotions of navigating such a challenging experience with the public.

Since then, she has discovered new details about her earlier life from a variety of sources, including her social services file.

She said: “Although the file did black out a lot of details, there were some really interesting things in there. It felt like I was living my own story for the first time.”

Mother-and-baby homes were designed to provide residential support for unmarried pregnant women. Sadly, many mothers faced significant pressure before and during their stay, being told that adoption was in the best interests of their baby.

According to the BBC, at least 10,500 women spent time in a mother-and-baby home from 1922 until the last one closed in 1990.

Mary is one of many individuals who have testified to the trauma of living in this environment.

“People don’t know what you suffered,” she said. “They don’t know what it was like in an unmarried mother’s home. There’s no support, and nobody is there for you. The idea that you’re too young to take care of your baby is just implanted into your mind. So you end up feeling you have no choice but to let your baby go to someone else. It’s heartbreaking.”

Mary’s father forbade her to ever speak of her experience, leaving it locked inside her until she was 40 or 50 years old. Eventually she found the courage to begin sharing her experience with a trusted friend.

Above: The Longing front and back cover

She initially began writing her memoir under a pseudonym due to lingering feelings of shame. However, she soon realised that this approach prevented her from fully owning her narrative.

“I told myself, ‘Don’t be in this place of feeling shameful. You did nothing wrong’.”

As a result, Mary decided to use her real name while fictionalising all other names in the story.

She has been encouraged by the positive feedback she has received from  many people.

She enthused: “I’m so happy and joyous every time I sell a book. People have said that the story evokes different feelings in them — not necessarily about themselves but their family as well. 

“I wrote this not only as a way to educate people about individual trauma and unmarried mothers’ homes but also to help them process their emotions. There are not enough words to describe the pain of having your baby taken away. It feels like people are being helped to heal in many ways from reading my personal story.”

Having been a counsellor, clairvoyant and healer for nearly 40 years, Mary is well versed in the act of processing personal emotions, which she describes as “the greatest healing for us as human beings”.

Mary said that speaking the truth of her experience and writing the memoir had helped her to see things differently and made her feel “freer and a lot happier”.

Her story is one of remarkable transformation and an unbroken spirit. 

She added: “I’m doing so much right with this book and when I’m talking about it, I feel as though I want to shout it from the rooftops. The message I want to get across is to encourage people to be strong, brave and speak their truth. I want people to understand about mother and baby homes and to know that these women are still out there suffering. How can one really, truly recover from the loss of their baby?”

You can buy Mary’s book online, including from Amazon, and at Torquay Waterstones, or at her website at: www.maryearle.com. 

Mary will also be attending several events to discuss her book and sign copies:

 February 22 — The Esplanade Hotel, Paignton (Mind Body Spirit Fayre, 11am–4pm)

 March 6 — Ivybridge Bookshop (5:30pm)

 March 22 — Paignton Library (Local Author Convention, 10am–2pm)

For more information about these events or The Longing, you can contact Mary by email at therapies@maryearle.com