Sally Allen: Thank you so much

As all my friends will know, I have had the most devastating time over the last couple of weeks, as my much beloved, darling brother Michael passed away on October 27. Most people will know and understand the profound loss of a loved one, even though death is obviously inevitable for all of us. However, that doesn’t make it easy or acceptable. It just is.

My brother was five years older than me, so he was a caring, generous, and protective presence my whole life. I was his Little Sis. In these extremely unsettled times and with human nature seeming to become more aggressive in every way every minute, we still have a couple of beacons to cling to. In my case, my brother and I were incredibly fortunate that even through national strikes, the NHS stepped up and surrounded my brother with enormous care and excellence. Michael was diagnosed with the dreaded and fatal Myeloma two years ago, nearly to the day, he was told that he had about two years and they were pretty much spot on. He was told this just before we met in London to go to one of the charity luncheons I am a supporter of. He had come straight from his appointment with his specialist and was dumb struck. We got through the lunch but afterwards we both broke down together. We then both immediately went into a form of denial. We would beat this even though nobody else ever had! Stupid? Probably, but it made the next two years a little easier for him. It was also fortunate that we had been brought up to never ever give up on anything and to always laugh in the face of adversity. This situation pushed us both to the limit.

After this, within 6 months his wife died. I had been going up and down to London to help look after her because she had been ill for a while, and then her descent was rapid. However, the human spirit is such that even through pain and mental suffering we still endeavoured to keep our sense of humour and tried very hard to be positive and optimistic. When you are seriously ill, massive mood swings are always there, but I was determined that Michael should have as few negative thoughts as possible. After all, what is life without hope? Absolutely nothing. To me hope is the most important human emotion, and we must keep it at the forefront of everything, overriding all our knowledge of the unwanted, yet certain outcome. Otherwise, how can we even attempt to cope. Hope is central to our emotional and physical survival.

So, Michael came to live with my husband and I and we did have fun in spite of everything. As most people do, we reminisced a lot and met up with old friends in the area, who he had known from his early days down here, before he went off to find his fortune. It was not an easy 18 months, and I did things that I never ever thought I would or could do. But out of love comes strength and frankly, there is nothing you won’t do for someone you love deeply.

As soon as Michael was ensconced with us, I asked our wonderful GP, Dr John Ridge at the Southover Practice to refer him to Rowcroft for the palliative care I knew he would need. Rowcroft Hospice and Homecare is the most important part of the fabric of our community in Torbay and we are so privileged and lucky to have the dedicated doctors and nurses in our area. Rowcroft is now run by the extremely dedicated, Mark Hawkins. He has a vision which will enhance end of life care in Torbay as well as for those, who are still independent but needing help. In my view, we should do everything we can to help raise funds for Rowcroft as the chances are, you will need their help at some point. Think of it as an insurance policy for you and your family. Every penny helps, so you can’t make too small a donation or too big. Anything and everything helps to enable Rowcroft in the care of ourselves and those we love when the worst possible outcome is inevitable.

Even through the NHS strikes and cutbacks, the care was fantastic. I realise that there are shocking waiting lists for most procedures, but if you are seriously ill, the UK’s NHS is still the best in the world. So, a heartfelt thank you to the NHS and particularly Marie, who was his dedicated nurse in Intensive Care where I held his hand for the last three days of his life not wanting to let him go.

Also big thanks to Rowcroft. I wish the circumstances had not arisen for us to need you, but when we did, you were exemplary and so kind. A big thank you. And to everyone who lives in, and around South Devon please find something to give to Rowcroft. It is investing in your future and the future of your loved ones.