Kevin Dixon: Torbay's changing families

The Torbay of the early 1800s mostly consisted of a scattering of rural hamlets made up of small cottages.

These were inhabited by families of two parents and their children and maybe a few elderly dependents. Nothing much had changed in hundreds of years.

Torbay now has a shrinking birth rate, at the same time as a rapidly increasing and ageing population. Families are smaller and made up of a shifting mosaic of nuclear units, married and unmarried partners of any gender, stepparents, and shared-custody arrangements.

We have indeed come a long way from those days of the well-defined Victorian family. So how did we get here?

The traditional nineteenth century model was known as the nuclear family and was accepted as a necessary instrument for the wellbeing of its members. It had a clear division of roles for a married couple with the father at the head while women were expected to manage the household and care for the family.

Before the twentieth century living alone meant significantly reducing your chances of staying alive and so only a tiny number of adults remained unmarried. Today, 33% of Torbay adults have never been married or in a civil partnership.

Even gay folk were expected to marry to maintain social respectability in Victorian Torbay. Locally we have the example of Oldway’s 28-year-old Winnaretta Singer who married the 59-year-old Prince Edmond de Polignac in 1893 in a lavender marriage. This was a union of convenience between a lesbian and a gay man. Over 3% of all marriages are now between partners of the same gender.

In addition to being an economic arrangement, the Victorian family was the cornerstone of society, reflecting a broader emphasis on order and hierarchy. Hence, the law was based on the idea that women would get married and that their husbands would take care of them. Before the passing of the 1882 Married Property Act, a woman’s wealth passed to her husband. If she worked after marriage, her earnings also belonged to him.

Complicating this longstanding convention was an ongoing shortage of available men. This was due to the mortality rate for boys being far higher than for girls; many males serving in the armed forces abroad; and men being more likely to emigrate than women. In a seaside resort there was also a substantial female service workforce; for example, in 1881 there were 13,665 males and 19,293 females in Torquay. 

Though the minimum age for marriage was fourteen for boys and twelve for girls during the nineteenth century, most wed in their mid-twenties. Today, the average age at first marriage stands at 34 for men and 32 for women; while around 60% of all marriages are preceded by a period of cohabitation.

It may well be that the diminishing influence of religion in the Bay has further eroded any negative connotations of living together outside of wedlock, of unmarried sexual relations, or illegitimacy. The 2021 Census found that 49% of Bay residents define themselves as ‘Christian’ while 43% declare ‘No Religion’, a real reduction in the number of the faithful over the decades. Only around 5% of us currently attend religious services. Reflecting this shift, 17% of marriages are now faith-based in contrast to 83% that are civil ceremonies.

Of course, many modern-day marriages do come to a natural end. But, undeniably, economic realities have a major effect on the stability of relationships. Cost of living pressures, rising rents and mortgage repayments, debt, homelessness, energy costs, precarious jobs, and not enough childcare can all take their toll leading to separations. Torbay, as we know, has the third lowest incomes in the nation.

Divorce, however, was an option generally not available to unhappy couples in the past. Before the mid-nineteenth century the only way of obtaining a divorce was by a Private Act of Parliament. Between 1700 and 1857 there were only 314 such Acts, most of them initiated by husbands.

A movement for reform emerged during the early years of Victoria's reign and gradually legislation put men and women on a more equal footing. Particularly impactful was the 1969 Divorce Reform Act which allowed the ending of a marriage that had "irretrievably broken down" without having to prove fault.

Then, over time, divorce shed its social stigma. 12% of adults in Torbay have been divorced or have dissolved a civil partnership.

In due course, people find love and companionship after separation and so step- or blended-families have become common. The numbers of children not living in a household with both natural parents has increased from 9% in 1960 to around 44% now.

Perhaps the most significant cause of change in the nature and composition of the family has been progress toward a more equal society. Women’s exclusion from formal politics ended with the right to vote in 1928 and great strides forward have subsequently been made in reproductive rights, women’s education, changing attitudes to domestic violence, and women's status in paid work.

The sexual revolution of the 1960s challenged traditional norms, with women gaining more personal freedoms. Sex before marriage became socially acceptable, made an option by effective contraception.  Increasing financial independence was reinforced by the 1970 Equal Pay Act and the 1975 Sex Discrimination Act.

Liberating millions from constant fear was the introduction of the welfare state after World War Two. This groundbreaking legislation provided a comprehensive system of social insurance from 'cradle to grave' that would eventually include social security benefits, the National Health Service, comprehensive education, social housing, social services and support for children.

No longer would the nuclear family be the only way to avoid starvation, shame, pauperism, homelessness, and the ravages of sickness. The elderly could retain their dignity; all could live independent lives or escape a life of subservience or violence.

If we look at old photographs of local street scenes we may notice high numbers of children. Women who married in the mid-nineteenth century bore an average of more than six children while their granddaughters who married in the 1910s had fewer than three children. In Torbay today women have an average of 1.4 children, the lowest rate on record. For a place to just maintain its population, the fertility rate needs to be around 2.1 children per woman.

Such fertility declines have been explained as the result of cost-of-living pressures, rising housing and childcare expenses, with prospective parents not feeling ready or having not found the right partner.  Others simply don’t feel an obligation to have children and choose not to do so. It could also be that there has been a reversal of intergenerational flows of wealth. Children have been transformed from an economically useful household asset to a burden. 

While the local birth rate is falling, Torbay’s population is nevertheless still projected to rise from 139,000 now to over 153,000 over the next 20 years. What is driving this increase are incomers, often older people from other parts of Britain. 

Consequently, we have an ageing population with 1 in 3 Torbay residents expected to be 65 within a decade. As many elderly and disabled folk need support we currently have 14,900 unpaid family Carers in Torbay. 

In our mobile and fragmented society many have lost family networks and so we are importing essential health and care staff, so accelerating the move towards a multicultural society. The tendency for some migrants to have more than the average number of children may see a partial return of the traditional nuclear family to the Bay. 

There probably isn’t a typical Torquay, Paignton and Brixham family anymore, and perhaps we have lost something precious along the way. Though what we should appreciate is that, unlike our forebears, we now have a range of options about how we live and who we love.