Norrms McNamara: I want never gets - or does it?

Torbay Weekly

I want... I want to walk trough Bluebell Forest in my home town of Bolton just one more time as I did as a boy.

To smell the forest and the decaying wood and feel the muddy earth beneath my feet while I listen to the babbling brook running through the middle, and be amazed as it turns a bright brown where the iron ore bubbles up.

I want... to play football just one more time on Astley Bridge Park facing my old school Holy Infants, to sit in the shelter and wait for the park warden to tell me and my mates the gates were closing and we had to go home!

He always used to say: “I know your father!" Thing is, he did!

I want... to sit in my wonderful grandmother's kitchen - before dementia took her away - and smell her cooking, and watch her making all the cakes and pies, which she did every Saturday without fail , to make sure the family had something nice to eat at least once a week - on a Sunday.

My grandmother was the one who brought me up.

I want... I want to see my children born all over again, see the look on their faces as they entered this world, so innocent and yet so much to look forward to. I want to hold them as they cry and rock them gently back to sleep hoping they know how much I love them and hope they can feel the love emitting from my arms that keep them warm safe and snug.

I want... I want to know why I can’t remember much after this, why I can’t remember them growing up, going to school, where I worked or where I have lived.

I want to know why I can’t remember the holidays I have been on this year!

I know I have because Elaine has shown me the photographs I have put on the computer so I must have, been but have no memory of them whatsoever.

I want... I want to know why this disease is so cruel, this awful disease that stole my wonderful grandmother from me, my father from me, and not content with that, it now wants me.

I want to know why such a disease would want so much from one family!

To remind us through three generations of one family that it can take lives at will, without fear of retribution and without guilt.

I want... a cure - simple as that!

Is it so very wrong to want so much?

To want to bring an end to the sadness and horror dementia brings?

To want to rid the world of this horrible illness so we can all grow older without the fear that is losing the most precious things we have - our memories?

I want never gets - or does it?

One day my friends, one day, who knows, if we don’t have hope we have nothing, a poem when I wrote about this:

Dementia's song

One day soon, I promise you this,

As sure as the moon rises, and sunbeams kiss,

The cure we have waited for, for oh so long,

Will arrive soon, like a beautiful song,

I can feel it, the breeze, its in the air,

Moments of optimism, are everywhere,

Attitudes changing, All full of hope,

Improving conditions, easier to cope,

So take a deep breath, and breathe it all in

It's a new dawn, new life will begin,

For dementia's cure, we have waited so long,

But have always maintained 'together we are strong"